GLBTIQ Issues

Recognizing your own sexual identity and working toward self-acceptance are the first steps in coming out. First, concerning sexual identity, it helps to think of a sexual orientation continuum that ranges from exclusive same sex attraction to exclusive opposite sex attraction. Exploring your sexual identity may include determining where you presently fit along that continuum.

Concerning self-acceptance, it can be very helpful to focus on the positive aspects of Gay Lesbian Bisexual Transgender (GLBT) culture, for example, its music, art, theater, books, events, and groups. It is also very helpful to seek out positive, well adjusted and comfortable role models among GLBT people. Building on the positive does not mean that you pretend that our society is past its discrimination, fears, and negative myths concerning GLBT people, or that these things do not have any effect on GLBT people. However, these negative things are better understood as externally based rather than inherent to your identity or your orientation. Part of developing a positive sense of self is understanding that your own homophobia is also externally based, the product of societal prejudices and anti-GLBT biases that have impinged upon you for much of your life.

One safe means of beginning to come out to yourself is through reading about how others have dealt with similar issues. There are many books and periodicals available on all facets of GLBT life, from clinical studies on GLBT people to collections of coming out stories.

• Think about what you want to say and choose the time and place carefully.
• Be aware of what the other person is going through. The best time for you might not be the best time for someone else.
• Present yourself honestly and remind the other person that you are the same individual you were yesterday.
• Be prepared for an initially negative reaction from some people. Do not forget that it took time for you to come to terms with your sexuality, and that it is important to give others the time they need.
• Have friends lined up to talk with you later about what happened.
• Don't give up hope if you don't initially get the reaction you wanted. Due to inculcated societal prejudices mentioned earlier, some people need more time than others to come to terms with what they have heard.

Above all, be careful not to let your self-esteem depend entirely on the approval of others. If a person rejects you and refuses to try to work on acceptance, that's not your fault. Keep in mind that this initial refusal may get reversed once the individual gets used to the idea that you are GLBT. If time does not seem to change the individual's attitude toward you, then you may want to re-evaluate your relationship and its importance to you. Remember that you have the right to be who you are, you have the right to be out and open about all important aspects of your identity including your sexual orientation, and in no case is another person's rejection evidence of your lack of worth or value.

Coming out may be one of the most difficult tasks lesbians and gay men confront in their lives, but it can also be one of the most rewarding. The counseling center offers individual counseling that may help with these issues. For more information, call Regis University Office of Counseling & Personal Development at 303.458.3507.

Taken from: Counseling Center, University of New York at Buffalo
http://ub-counseling.buffalo.edu/orient.shtml

Counseling Center, University of Illinois at Urbana-Champaign
http://www.couns.uiuc.edu/brochures/comout.htm